Men’s Mental Health - When the Past Collides
When the Past Collides with the Present
A letter to the man who carries it all. Even when it’s breaking him.
You’re the one everyone counts on. You show up. You don’t complain. You don’t fall apart. You just… keep going. People think you’re solid. Reliable. Strong. It’s because you’re tough, right? But what everyone doesn’t see.. what maybe even you haven’t let yourself see.. are that parts of you are falling apart in places no one’s ever checked. Not even you.
You’ve always carried the weight. You’ve carried it for so long it doesn’t even feel heavy anymore.
It just feels normal. Like tight shoulders, silence in your chest, going through the motions, like snapping at the people you love and not knowing why.
You’ve mastered the art of showing up without ever truly being seen.
But lately.. maybe the cracks are getting louder.
Something from your past is pressing against the surface.
Not as clear memories… maybe not even as words.
But as shutdown.
As silence. As rage.
As that aching numbness that creeps in when you're alone with your thoughts too long.
You’ve been told you’re whole life, and maybe you’ve even told you’re own son(s).. You’re tough though, right? So, you try to shove it down.
Try to power through.
But the truth is — your nervous system never forgot… Even if your mind did.
That version of you… the boy who had no choice but to grow up fast, to stay strong, to suck it up… he’s still in there.
Still bracing.
Still waiting for someone to tell him it's safe to stop holding it all together.
But here's the part no one told you growing up.
Strength isn’t the absence of emotion.
It’s not pretending nothing gets to you.
It’s not shutting down to protect everyone else.
It’s not taking on everything so no one sees you struggle.
That’s survival.
That’s what you had to do.
And maybe that’s what kept you alive.
But it’s not what’s going to help you heal.
You’ve been the caretaker. The one who holds the line. The one who keeps it all from falling apart.
But when was the last time you stopped pushing everything down and said… “I’m tired.”
“I’m so used to being strong… that I don’t even know how to be soft without feeling like I’m failing.”
Let’s talk about your body for a second.
That tightness in your jaw?
The way your fists clench?
The headaches… the restlessness… the feeling like you’re stuck on alert all the damn time, bracing for impact? Putting up walls you never fully let anyone break down?
That’s your nervous system talking.
That’s what happens when the past is still running the show behind the scenes… even when you don’t want it to.
That’s what it means when your past collides with your present. Not in some poetic, reflective way… but in the very real way your body holds it all.
Somatic therapy doesn’t ask you to “talk about your feelings” if that feels foreign or impossible. It doesn’t ask you to “tell me more about that” when you can’t even tell yourself more about “that”.
It meets you where you are.
In the tension.
In the breath.
In the shutdown.
In the fists.
In the freeze.
In the rage that makes no sense until it suddenly does.
This isn’t about fixing you.
You were never broken.
This is about giving the part of you that never got a break — a damn break.
A space to release.
A space to breathe.
A space to stop being the strong one for a minute… and just be human.
You don’t have to hit rock bottom to deserve help.
You don’t need to be in crisis to be allowed to feel.
You don’t have to have the right words… you just have to show up.
You deserve healing.
Not because you earned it, not because you reached your limit… but because you’re already carrying too much. And have been for a long time.
So if you’re reading this…
If something in you feels seen…
If your chest got tight..
If you felt like crying but didn’t..
If you’re already brushing this off like it’s “not for you”…
Then maybe it is.
Maybe this is where you stop surviving and start healing.
Not all at once.
Not overnight.
But slowly.
With breath.
With space.
With someone walking beside you who sees the man behind the mask… and respects how long you’ve been holding it all.
So, for the men who carry everything, silently… I see you.
✉️ Virtual support available | Somatic, grounded, no pressure - email: caitlin@buffaloprairiewellness.caIf you require any additional supports, please visit my resources guide for more information.