Am I Really Here, Again? Holding Space for Resurfacing Trauma with Compassion

Am I back at square one? Why am I here again? Holding space while having compassion for where we’ve been, where we are, and where we’re going.

You’ve healed. You’ve done the work. You’ve processed the pain and hurt. Sat in the chair. Not only did you talk, you felt it through. You’ve cried the tears, sat with the discomfort, and found moments of peace. Experienced the “Aha” moments and felt the big “exhale” of relief from your body. You’ve thought “I got this, and I finally did this!” You’ve truly felt like you got somewhere.. Or at least.. something close to it.

Then one day.. it hits you. Something changes. Maybe it’s a memory you get curious enough to want to know more about. Or maybe it’s a conversation resulting in memories and experiences that reveal information about your childhood and family history. Memories that you’ve supressed so far down deep within yourself, the present you no longer knew they existed, but your body clearly remembers. You aren’t sure how to process, so maybe you think.. “ How can these new experiences be even worse than what I’ve already been through. I’ve already done this; or so I thought. What’s the purpose of bringing all these surpressed experiences forward? Am I going back to square one? Am I already back at square one? Do I work through it? Or do I just continue on, as if this didn’t just all come back out into the universe?”

If you’ve processed your experiences, thoughts, memories, and trauma; you already know all too well these familiar feelings. You’ve described them before in the best way your logical brain could describe. You think “things have been going so well, why am I here again?” But you’re here.. and you know, you’re here. That ache in your chest. The old feeling of wanting to run but that you need to stay still all at the same time. So you do nothing. In that moment, all you know is, I remember this feeling. Now what? And then you start to wonder… “Did I ever really heal? Am I back where I started?”

Remember: Healing Moves in Circles, Not Straight Lines

I know it’s tempting to want to believe that there’s a place in this life where pain disappears, everything is easy, light, and effortless. But unfortunately, it doesn’t. Healing isn’t linear. It moves, shifts, and then right when we least expect it, it circles back. Like waves crashing against the shore, like seasons returning; familiar, yet different. The same (or new) memories resulting in the aches and sensations in our bodies now rising again.

It’s not because we’ve failed or fallen backwards, but because our body remembers. And now, we do too.

When trauma (re)surfaces, it can feel like everything we worked for is slipping through our fingers. That fear? It’s real. But what if this isn’t proof that we’re breaking down? What if this is an invitation? Not a gentle one, but a heavy, aching ask to return inward. To listen. To sit with what our nervous system has carried for us patiently, until we were ready to hold it ourselves.

Maybe this time, we’re not here to ‘solve’ the wounds and hurt, but to hold space for it. To acknowledge how collectively, all of our experiences have shaped us. To understand the ways we learned to attach, to protect, and to survive. And with that deeper understanding, we can ask ourselves: How can I move forward with more compassion, more care? What do I need now to continue growing and healing?

Meeting Your Inner Child With Compassion

That pain you’re feeling? It’s not just from today. It’s a younger part of you that’s still carrying something heavy.

Younger you doesn’t know how much you’ve grown. They don’t know that things have changed. They only know that something happening right now feels familiar, something is reminding them of the past, and their body.. your body is reacting the way it learned to. Instead of pushing that part of you away, what would happen if you sat with your younger self?

If you have the capacity and a safe space to do so.. I invite you to sit with me through this exercise to create space for this version of your younger self. Focus on your breathing. Inhale 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, Exhale 5, 4, 3, 2, 1..

Close your eyes and picture little you.

See yourself at the age when this pain first settled in.

Now, with your hand over your heart, gently say, as your current self, to your younger self: “You are loved. I love you. You are safe. I am here for you, and I will always protect you.” Breathe deeply and imagine the warmth of your love and comfort surrounding your younger self. Allow yourself to feel that warmth fill your body, connecting you with your inner strength. Let yourself fully experience the self-compassion, understanding, and acceptance that you have created for your story and your experiences.

Now, I invite you to bring your awareness to the ground beneath you. Sit on the floor if you are able. If you are seated in a chair- place both feet on the ground. Feel the support of the earth under your feet, as if the ground is holding you and your younger self together. Take a slow breath in while imagining the earth’s energy rising up through you, grounding you in the present. As you prepare to exhale, gently release any weight or heaviness, letting go of anything that isn’t serving you. Allow yourself to feel grounded in who you are now.

Honoring Your Growth Without Fear of Losing It

Trauma lives in the body. Even when our minds have made sense of something, our nervous system remembers. When experiences resurface, it’s not just an emotional experience, it’s a physical one. If you’re feeling like you’ve been thrown back into something you thought you left behind.. Pause. Breathe. You are not back at the beginning. You are meeting yourself on another level. This time, you have the ability to respond with more awareness, more capacity, and more tenderness than you ever have before. That’s not regression. It’s healing. That is something to be proud of. Meet yourself with compassion, allow these familiar pains to surface once again. Not as a sign of failure, but as an invitation to continue to hold space for yourself. For the parts of you that have long been waiting for acknowledgment. Each time you sit and acknowledge, you’re deepening your understanding and compassion for yourself. Know these feelings aren’t present to harm you, but if you have the capacity, you can use them as a guide, to get you to a place of deeper self-love.

When you feel like you’ve hit a wall, remember this. Your past doesn’t define you, however, it does shape the path ahead. You have the power to reflect, to understand, and to move forward. You don’t need to "fix" anything. Create space for it. Safely be with it. Honour it.

“Love yourself more deeply, exactly as you are, while honouring and acknowledging the parts of yourself who have shaped you into who you are today.”

— Caitlin Bender